I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Help. Why am I so naked?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
