I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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