chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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