I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
