so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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