so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
