The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
