i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
