Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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