I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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