Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
