I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
