I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
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He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
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It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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