everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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