I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
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It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
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whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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