I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
