Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
