My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
