I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
tell me about the eggs
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