When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
