So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
