he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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