I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
