I'm going to jail i love you
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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