I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
