i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
