The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
