my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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