The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
