my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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