i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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