found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
