I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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