You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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