do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
