why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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