you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He kissed a someone with a penis
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
