i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
