Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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