i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
being pregnant is like rehab
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
