were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
