...so i touched it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
