***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
