I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
