I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize