Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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