I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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