apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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