Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
