i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
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he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
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There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.