yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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