Banned from zoo.
Again?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
