This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex