I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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