Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
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I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
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You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.