You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Less talking, more tequila
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE