How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
