she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
