smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
