You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
