My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
