I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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