yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.