i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
