I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.