I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.