Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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