a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.