you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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