for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
