I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
