please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
