I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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