how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
