Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
