booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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