Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
