i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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