so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
