Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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