So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
