why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
