I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
