Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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