Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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