MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
