I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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