just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
