No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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