Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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