I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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