i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
