If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
last night I used snow as a chaser
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
