tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
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Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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