seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
